My first born child was a girl – Denine. She was born with a
rare condition called Cornelia de Lang Syndrome. Basically, half of her brain
did not develop because of a stroke blocking blood vessels to her brain during
the 8th week of gestation when all her organs were forming. She was
profoundly handicapped. She never learned to talk or walk or play or feed
herself. She was totally dependent for everything. At 5 years, 8 months and 7
days, she died. As long as I live, I will never forget that day. Why? Because that was the first time I heard God
speak to me. Clearly. Distinctly.
It was almost midnight Sunday April 1, 1979. She had been
admitted to the hospital that morning because of difficulty breathing. That
night, as I lay on my bed, I had my first vision from God. I was sitting on the maple rocking chair in the hospital holding Denine
on my lap. Her body was very twisted and crippled so she did not fit very well
in my arms. Suddenly, she sat up, turned and looked me in the face and said, “Mommy!” Then
she died. And, I sensed the voice of God speak to my heart saying, “Your child is going to die. What are you
going to do about that?”
My thoughts quickly went back a few years when Denine had
been in hospital with double pneumonia. I recall crying out to God not to take
her from me. She had been healed from the pneumonia and came home the next day.
This time, I responded, “If that is Your will, then I accept
it.” Immediately, I felt a joy bubbling up deep inside me and I fell asleep
praising God. One hour later, the hospital called to say she had died. In the
morning I had my second vision. My
precious crippled child was WALKING away from me UP TO THE ARMS OF JESUS. She
was wearing a pink dress. That was 35 years ago.
I had given my heart to Jesus several years earlier when God
had used a twelve year old babysitter to show God’s love for me. I had come to
the realization that God knew what was going on in my life. God had chosen me
to be the mother of a special child. God had a plan for my life. My heart was
changed and so was I. The depression I that I had been living in was replaced
by peace and joy.
Recently, I was challenged to ask God to show me more into
that earlier vision. Gulp.
So, I did.
God’s response to me was, “Denine is whole and alive and walking and
dancing.”
“Does she
remember me?” I asked.
“Of course she remembers. After all, you
are her mother and a mother never forgets. Neither does the child.”
Not long after Denine died, I had gone to visit my husband’s
Aunt Grace (who died a few months ago at the ripe old age of 101). She shared a
letter she had been given when her 9 month old baby had died 35years earlier.
She carefully removed the letter from her wallet and let me read it. I realize
now, that God used that letter written to a grieving mother 70 years ago to
speak to my heart and to give me hope that one day I would see my daughter
again. My child is in heaven, safe in the arms of Jesus, waiting for me.
Blessings,
Chris